You deserve a BEAUTIFUL life. You have deserved one since the DAY you were born. You WILL have a beautiful life if you choose, and we all (ALL) believe that you should. Keyword, Lasith, "choose". I understand your past was something we can't even imagine, full with the most dispicable pain...but I also understand that I have felt such things...very VERY related to yours...and I know that the past MUST be forgotten. It is a lesson we learn in life in different degrees, simply YOU must learn it in a degree much more severe than all of us. It is not your fault that any of what happened to you happened to you, you DID NOT DESERVE that past, but for reasons, yes there were stupid stupid reasons, it did happen. Everyone experiences stupid things happening to them for dome reasons but again you received it at a more severe degree. We understand we'll never feel your pain, but we also do understand that the past is the past and it is like trying to saw sawdust, it won't happen. dont try and change it, the ppl who are at fault for what they did to you did them for there own reasons, HIGHLY LIKELY THAT HTEY ARE THEMSELVES INSECURE!!! they just took it out on you for a very VERY unfair reason.I understand the lack of love is what is making you SO angry!!! i KNOW that feeling trust me!!! I also had a severe p roblem with someone in my past. but understand there lack of love to you is because of there lack of love to themselves. sounds simple but VERY true. I understand your looking for it NOW in all of us your looking for love from all of us. but here this my friend we all ALL have a responsibility to give love to OUr OWNSELVES FIRST. JUST LIKE YOU. you have to love yourself FIRST always, and understand that other s cant always show affection because they have to keep busy with taking care of themselves. additionally we all have bad days too, so when we cant treat you with kindness all the time its' because we are not perfect enough to do so. as are you as am I as is EVERYONE. no one is perfect enough to show perfect affection for everyone at all times becaus we are all trying to figure out life the best we can too. you must learn there IS a balance in everyday life for how much love kindness and rude behaviour you receive from everyone. it varies every day based ont eh circumstances each individual you meet is currently going through. If i phone duane one day and ask him how hes doing cuzi want a conversation cuz i hhad a bad daya nd he quickly tells me can ttalk bye... i understadn that he is BUSY although it may HURT to see him go like that...i RATIONALIZE the reason why he went away so aquickly...like so: maybe he was busy, maybe he was having a bad day, maybe hes so angry right now that he cant do anything for anyone cuz he has no love for himself right now hes feeling deprived of love himself. see how important loving YOURSELF is.. without love for yourself you cant help anyone, and at time we dont have enough love for ourselves too man and thats why we cant always be there for you. you have to learn to love yourself. i believe in you and so do all your friends who know how smart and kind you are and talented ( your a soccer king!).. but NONE OF IT MATTERS IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IN YOURSELF> EVERYDAY WAKE UP AND SAY YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU LOVE YOURSELF.