Lasith (lasith) wrote,
Lasith
lasith

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Searching For Lost Contentment

There used to be in me a contentment...I lost it somehow...I had already been happy, a religious experience that was because I found myself.  Sometimes
I get asked how I put up with Bullshit like I get from silly people.  I think it is because I enjoy there silly grins a lot.  There is nothing more gratifying for me
than making people smile.  It is hedonistic though and it results in me doing two very serious negative things.  

The first isntaking things too seriously, I overthink the world and it's people.  I have lost myself by imersing myself in a world of sorrow mine and others.  I wish i could just sit back and think that my small contributions to Amnesty, Red Cross and World Vision are grand successes and not being embezzeled or something...damn overthinking.  

My other fault is I have a serious problem saying No...I should have said no to Red Cross...But I stopped at the mall and did that discussion last summer and have all these
useless tax deductibles (Not to Say That Red Cross is Useless, just sometimes)...But now I ask myself with these faults of trying to set up ball hockey games or doing some other idiot thing why must I by having a hedonistic gratification from assisting others.

By putting other people first, no doubt I must be putting myself at second best.  Possibly I care not for life anymore.  I couldn't see myself fufiiling anything that I don't already
enjoy doing for free.  I think I don't work well in the capitalistic system.  I have lost an appreciation for money.  It used to be that I stared at sky in contentment...Nothing seems
to give me that contentment anymore...except the things that seem to have little value to others.  There must be a way to find that balance, some understanding of what
plagues me.  But it might be that I have grown tired of the world around me, and I haven't found a rejuvenating energy.  I know it's there...But I chase after the wrong things...
Like Chasing a Dragon

The Buddha says:

 

“The Greatest Gain is to give to Others;  The greatest Loss is to Receive without Gratitude.  Patience is an invulnerable Armor; Wisdom is the Best Weapon."

So with this in mind I continue to Chase this Dragon...and with patience and wisdom I will reclaim my contentment


Listen children, to a story, that was written long ago. About a kingdom, on a mountain, and the valley folk below.

On the mountain, was a treasure, burried deep beneath a stone and the valley people swore they'd have it for their very own.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend, do it in the name of Heaven, you can justify it in the end. There wont be any trumpets blowing, come the judgement day. On the bloody morning after, One Tin Soldier rides away.

So the people of the valley, sent a message up the hill, asking for the buried treasure, tons of gold for which they'd kill. Came an answer, from the kingdom, with our brothers, we will share, all the secrets, of our mountain, all the riches buried there.

Now the valley, cried with anger, mount your horses, draw your swords, and they killed the, mountain people. So they won their just rewards. Now they stand, beside the treasure, on the mountain, dark and red. Turned the stone, and looked beneath it... "Peace on earth" was all it said.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend, do it in the name of Heaven, you can justify it in the end. There wont be any trumpets blowing, come the judgement day. On the bloody morning after, One Tin Soldier rides away.



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