Lasith (lasith) wrote,

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Funny how an e-mail directed to someone's junk mail
can make you feel lonely. Almost desperate even...
Focusing our attention on one individual one person
who will dictate how all future interaction with humanity
will proceed. How quick we are when this one relationship
bears no fruit that we decide that love does not grow
any more. How we somehow have the worst preceptions of
who we are, how ugly, how fat, how stupid, how poor.
And so we say that we are not going to find happiness, that
every time we reach out to humanity...we will be struck down.
So we ask less questions, we dare not to dream or to risk. We
grow a wrath inside us that makes us stone cold to others.
Hoping by changing our outward appearance that our inner self
will not be judged untill later when love is in our grasp. But
in that grasp we often choke the life out of love. We are desperate
to keep it and we alienate those we care about. Lost love brings
us back to the emptiness inside. And then strange pacts are made...
God Help me...God I will be so good to you if...Or God let me be..
your soldier...
Let me die...
in your name...

Maybe heaven will be better than this...They won't treat me like
this in heaven...I made a pact...surely he knows my suffering...
Surely I will go into the kingdom of God...It doesn't matter that
I killed that doesn't matter that the bitch wouldn't
answer my she's in hell...everyone but me deserves to be
in hell...Cuz when I go to heaven I don't want to see anyone I hate..

And I hate the whole world.

Need more friends with wings
All the angels I know
Put concrete in my veins
I'd always walk home alone
So I became lifeless
Just like my telephone

There's nothing to lose
When no one knows your name
There's nothing to gain
But the days don't seem to change

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